Thursday, May 26, 2016

Twenty-Five Apples

Every once in a while, my mind will sink its teeth into something kind of silly and refuse to let go of it. It's both frustrating and cool at the same time. Last night it was this lyric from one of the songs on Kate Pierson's solo album. I can't recall what track it is off the top of my head, but the lyric talks about being "split like an apple thrown against the wall".

Now... if an apple is thrown against a wall so hard that it splits, that's a pretty sad state of affairs for the apple. It's now a sad puddle of goo. It will never nourish anyone. It will never become pie or apple cider. It will never grow into a tree. Except the chord structure and melody pattern attached to that particular lyric is actually really bright and transcendent -- not sad at all. It makes it sound like the apple was somehow stronger than the wall even though it split from the impact.

So while I was falling asleep last night, my mind got its fangs into that little thing from that one song I'd listened to earlier in the day. And I kept dreaming about this apple and all the possible things that might have happened to it when it hit the wall. In one scenario, a bird of paradise made out of purple light came out of the apple and flew away. In another, the apple made the wall and the building attached to it crumble into dust because it refused to split at all. There must have been twenty-five different dreams and twenty-five different amazing things that happened to the apple.

I've had people tell me that I over-think things a lot. I can hear those people going "Jesus Christ, it's just a song". On my bad days, I agree with those people and wish I was different. But on my good days, I just feel sorry for them. Like... really sorry. I got to see all those magical apples conquer a wall last night and they didn't, so who's the real winner here?

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

I Am

I really find myself wondering sometimes where the people of substance are online these days, especially those of a creative nature. I know way too many writers, artists, filmmakers, and so forth that seem to care more about creating a facade to hide behind than they do about creating really good art. I don't get that. When I think of professions that lead to tons of admirers and money to wipe your ass with, I don't think of any of the arts. It really does feel like "I want to be an artist" is becoming code for "I have no marketable skills, nor do I want to work for a living, but I don't want to admit to either of those things". 

Whenever that realization occurs to me, I become aware of how rare it is to have accomplished the things that I have. Not only do I have real skills and real ideas, but I've actually found a way to make those things marketable. And I'm not even close to being done yet. There are so many places I can see myself taking my creativity in the future and I actually have a good idea of how to make successes of those endeavors as well. So many of these sham artists have no idea how to do the same. No wonder I have haters. 

On another note, I'm also realizing that writing really isn't the struggle for me that it apparently is for other people. Any time I see other people that blog or write discussing their technique, there's a lot of talk of outlining, and planning, and editing, and re-editing. If anyone talks about having free-written something off the top of their head, they also talk about how rare that is for them to be able to do. I've  personally never written any other way.  

I don't need to. I am able to get things to sound the way I want them to on the first try. Even the stuff I write for my clients is basically written in one shot and given a quick once-over before I call it done. I always assumed other people were the same way, at least in regards to their blogging and their personal writing, but I guess they're not. And for some reason, I'm feeling appreciative here in this moment of the fact that I am. I can't imagine a world in which writing does not come easily to me and I'm grateful that I don't have to.