Monday, March 7, 2016

Writing Lab: On Energy and Its Sources

Prompt: "Where do you draw your energy from?"

I've never been what you'd call an energetic person. Even when I was a child, my brand of energy was a very quiet, subdued one, if such a thing can ever be said to exist. My mind would be going a mile a minute on any given day, but I was never much into being physically active. I've also always had a hard time mustering energy for doing things I don't feel personally invested in.

That part of who I am hasn't changed one little bit now that I'm an adult. I only feel what most people would call energetic when I'm legitimately on fire about something. Truth be told, I don't feel much enthusiasm when it comes to life in general. However, there are a few sources from which I seem to be able to pull energy if and when I need to.

God: As a young person, I was never what I would call religious, but that's been different over the course of the past few years. I've become very concerned with trying to live a godly life. Granted, my idea of a godly life doesn't fit the picture most people have in their heads when they try to picture what I probably mean, but yeah. A big part of that involves taking the things about life I hate the most -- *cough cough* WORK *cough* -- and trying to see them as duties I'm performing for God, as opposed to a client or a boss. Sometimes work -- and life, for that matter -- is still a major drag, but it does help me care a lot more about the job I'm really doing when I remember that God's up there watching. I don't want to let him down the way I feel like I probably did at other points in my life.

My Relationship: Until I met Seth, I don't think I actually knew what it was like to really care much what other people thought of me. Even when it came to my parents when I was a child, I think I cared more about keeping them off of my back more than I actually cared about winning their approval. Now that I'm in a relationship where it's safe to let my guard down at least a little, I'm discovering what it means to want someone to be happy with you. I'm still very much my own person, but it's nice to feel like I'm part of a unit without having to change anything about what I value or pretend I'm someone I'm not, Some days, I'm really aware of how lucky I am to have that and it gives me motivation to be my best and do my best.

Accomplishment: Every so often, I'll find myself in a really good place mentally simply because I've been spending enough time doing things I value. Like if I actually manage to get some creative writing done or I've been really, really good about keeping my blogs up to date, I can get a really pleasant high from it that will last a while. The same thing can happen if I spend a whole weekend reading or absorbing information. I like feeding my head, especially if I can actually manage to generate some output after the fact. I can actually wind up feeling the same way if I've been extra good at keeping up with work assignments.

Anticipation: If I've got something coming up that I'm really excited about, sometimes I feel a burst of energy when whatever it is pops into my head. It doesn't have to be anything major. I can be something as simple as a long weekend, a special meal I have planned, or something I've ordered online that I'm excited to receive in the mail. For instance, right now I'm really looking forward to making corned beef for St. Patrick's Day and having a bit of a celebration. I'm also feeling really proud of how well I've been doing with the personal goals I set for Lent. Little things, but pleasant things all the same.